Look, I created another blog! I think I finally figured it out! I made so many websites in the past but none of the stuck close to me. I just had this crazy idea to post my true feelings. I have done this in a small notebook so far, but now I feel like I want to be listened! I have so many things I want to say to you...
I honestly feel a bit crappy now since I am sick on New Year's Day. My nose is stuffy and my throat is so dry but today, the symptoms are slowly going away. Since I wanted to start something new, I figure I should start a blog. Man, I wonder if people are actually going to read this.
I get nervous when I think about but I don't care. Why should I get nervous for? I honestly find it funny when people get so scared. Spiders are harmless. Planes are the safest mode of transportation. The audience won't bite you during your speech. Sure I get scared too. But I can't remember what I'm scared of.
Rejection. But it only happened once in grade 7 when I confessed my crush. But turns out, the boy was just a jerk to me, I was so disappointed. He and his friends sometimes made fun of me and I just patiently wait to move on to high school. It was so bad considering the fact that my crush was a small distraction from a depression I suffered since the start of grade 7. What else I'm afraid of?
Death. But only when I sit still and let my mind wander and question death for so long. Otherwise, I shrug it off. It was the cause of my depression, but I'm happy to say it was over a long time ago. I look at it as something that changed me forever. I lost and developed new interests. I explored places in my mind I was too scared to think about. I question a lot and had a new view towards my faith which is still changing to this day.
I'm not afraid of God as some people tell me to. Afraid of what? I view him as a father not as a principal or prime minister. I'm not afraid to get close to Him like I would to a human being. Talking to Him, respecting Him and simply acknowledging him. As a little kid and even now, I don't like mass. I always try to force myself to focus on the meaning and purpose. But it didn't feel right and frankly, I don't like the feeling I get from Churches. Beautiful but so empty to me. I feel so far away from Him when I see the holy bread, the stained glass windows and paintings on the walls. It feel too materialistic. I prefer praying to him alone and following the Ten Commandments. You could say I am a simple Catholic.
And while we're on the topic, I just want to vent my anger. Some people I met over the years are wrong. Christians and Catholics are SIMILAR not DIFFERENT. Christians are all people who follow Christianity. Catholic is a BRANCH of Christianity. There are Orthodox, Protestant, Catholic and so on. And even then, there are branches under those main divisions like Greek Orthodox or Roman Catholic. It's like saying a fast food restaurant and McDonald's are completely separate and different. There, I said it.
I feel tired now so I think I'll finish this off with a happier note. Happy New Year and may you receive many blessings!
-MajorDreamer
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